Blame
by A Sirius crush on Moony
Summary: How did Remus become a werewolf? The night that Remus was attacked has become a painful memory that he always blames himself for. Rated T for violence


**For the Maruader Challenge on HPFC. I had this fic almost written anyway, and then it fit in perfectly with the guidelines so... XD**

**Some mention of violence.  
**

* * *

**Blame  
**

The hot summer wind billowed through the night sky as the moon shone particularly brightly, casting a beautiful silvery light down on the small town below. All was silent apart from the soft trickle of water from the stream by the edge of the small town. The stars twinkled magically in the dark, creating the strange impression that something odd was going to happen. If anybody had been watching, they would have seen the last flickering light disappear in an old inn by the edge of the town, as the residents made their way to bed.

An air of emptiness followed – the light of the moon casting dark shadows over the small cottages that filled the town. While during the day, the tiny town of Limborough was a cheerful, bright place, the night was a complete contrast.

Night time was different. Nothing was as lively and vibrant as it was during the day – not even the people. Everybody kept to themselves at night, staying in their little thatched cottages until the sun rose again early in the morning. It would be a shock to see anybody outside at night, and even more a shock if that person were alone.

That was why it was very unusual for a small, thin, wobbling shadow to be seen against the cobbled walls of the little inn that had only just turned out their lights. The shadow moved slowly and silently, almost hidden in the darkness.

When the shadow emerged from the back of the inn, it was clear that it was a very young sandy-haired boy, probably no more than four or five years old. He opened his large amber eyes and stared up at the stars in awe, shoving his thumb into his mouth. He continued walking towards the trees, which were huge; seeming to reach right up and pierce the huge balloon that was the moon.

He coughed and sniffed, wiping his nose and sitting down on the soft ground under the cover of the tall trees. A teardrop fell down his face.

"Mummy," He whispered in his high, childish voice. "Daddy."

Another tear fell down his face and he wiped it away hastily. "M-maybe you will be happy now."

With that, he stood up, turning to look back once at the town of Limborough and carried on walking through the forest. With the canopy of trees above him, it made it impossible for him to see where he was going in the pitch black. He held his hands out in front of him, feeling for any trees that would get in his way.

After an hour of hopeless wandering, his legs gave way and he fell to the floor, shaking with sadness. He let out a loud yawn and curled into himself for warmth. "I love you Mummy and Daddy," he whispered, looking up at the stars through the gaps between the branches of the trees. "Please forgive me."

He closed his eyes, and felt himself drifting relaxingly off to sleep. Everything was getting warmer, more comfortable...

Sounds were getting softer, fuzzier, more faint...

The boy snapped his eyes open at the sudden thunderous thump beside him. He sat up swiftly and stared around blindly in the gloom. He couldn't see anything... he couldn't hear anything except for the thumping in his chest. He didn't dare speak... what if it was a bear?

A fierce growl made him jump and turn around to face a pair of giant crimson-red eyes, staring right at him. He couldn't help the squeal that emerged from deep in his chest. He tried desperately to run, but he couldn't. He was rooted to the spot with fear.

The eyes widened and grew closer, and he could suddenly smell a repulsive stench of something he couldn't quite put his finger on.

The sound that followed was terrible – a blood-curdling shriek emitted from the boys' mouth as sharp teeth sunk painfully into his arm, poisoning his blood.

He tried to run away, but white blotches were obscuring his vision. Dot after dot, making its way into his eyes until everything was white and fuzzy...

He had a feeling he was going to pass out... all he could see was those horrible red eyes, and that thick brown fur, mixed in with the blotches that were appearing and disappearing in his vision.

"_REMUS_!" came a voice nearby. The boy - Remus - could tell who it was immediately. I tried desperately to shout out, to yell for his dad to go back home, that there was a deadly animal in the trees just waiting to attack.

"D-d-dad," he managed to say, but it was no use. There was no way his dad would be able to hear him.

He stared up at the animal. He had figured out now what it was - a huge, blood-thirsty wolf. It growled again and just as it was about to lunge at him, it's head snapped to the side.

"_REMUS! ARE YOU ALL RIGHT_?"

The wolf sprinted off in the other direction, and Remus could feel a tear falling down his cheek. He could hear the wolf growling and his father shouting and then there was silence and Remus didn't know what was happening.

Would the wolf come back? Had it got his father? Was he... dead?

Remus closed his eyes and opened them again with a new urgency. He had to find his dad. He slowly got into a sitting position, looking hesitantly down at his arm.

He gasped, and retched at the sight. His arm was torn apart, blood everywhere, his bone sticking out at an impossible angle, and his flesh ripped and infected.

It was almost enough to really make him pass out, but he pushed that feeling away and started crawling with difficulty to where he had heard noises.

It took him what felt like a long time to get to a clearing in the trees, and then he collapsed at the sight in front of him. His dad had got it so much worse than he had.

"Dad?" Remus croaked, crawling towards him. The man was completely ripped apart - Remus could clearly see his father's bones and intestines, and he knew there was absolutely no way that he was going to survive that. Was he already dead?

Remus fell back and let out his tears, feeling terrible. It was all his fault. If he hadn't run away in the first place...

And then everything was gone.

**##**

Remus woke up with a start. He was completely drenched with sweat. He sat up in his bed as he felt his eyes begin to sting.

"Remus?" called a soft voice from the bed opposite.

"Sirius?"

"Are you ok?" Sirius asked, peering through the curtains at him. Remus swallowed and nodded.

He lay down again, crying quietly. It had been the first time he had ever dreamt of that night since he had started Hogwarts, and dreaming of it just brought back the memories.

He closed his eyes. He hated himself so badly. He'd regretted that night since it had happened. It was _his_ fault he had been bitten, _his_ fault he had become a werewolf, and most terribly, _his_ fault that his father had died.

He blamed himself, and he _knew_ he had every right to.

**###**


End file.
